A personal story of recovery that challenges conventional wisdom.
The Prison of Avoidance
For months after I decided to quit drinking, I lived like a fugitive in my own city. I’d cross the street to avoid passing bars. I’d decline dinner invitations if I knew the restaurant had a full bar. I’d even feel anxious walking down grocery store aisles where wine bottles lined the shelves like silent sentries, mocking my resolve.
At first, this felt like strength. I was being “smart” about my recovery, eliminating temptation, following the advice I’d heard countless times: “Just avoid triggers.” But something was eating away at me that had nothing to do with alcohol cravings. It was the growing realization that I wasn’t truly free—I was simply running a different kind of race, one where alcohol was still calling the shots.
The Moment Everything Changed
The turning point came on a Tuesday evening when my best friend invited me to his birthday dinner at our old hangout spot—a restaurant where we’d shared countless conversations over drinks through the years. My immediate instinct was to make an excuse, to suggest somewhere else, to protect myself from temptation.
But as I started to craft my polite decline, something inside me rebelled. Why should alcohol—something I’d supposedly conquered—still have the power to dictate where I could and couldn’t go? Why was I allowing my former addiction to shrink my world, limit my relationships, and control my choices? In that moment, I realized I hadn’t defeated my addiction; I’d simply handed it a different kind of power over my life.
Reclaiming My Territory
I went to that dinner. And yes, it was uncomfortable at first. The familiar smell of beer, the sound of wine being poured at nearby tables, the muscle memory of reaching for a glass that wasn’t there. But something profound happened as the evening progressed: I discovered I could exist in that space without being consumed by it.
More importantly, I felt something I hadn’t experienced since beginning my recovery journey—genuine freedom. Not the brittle, fearful freedom of avoidance, but the robust, confident freedom of choice. I was there because I wanted to be, celebrating my friend, fully present in a way I’d never been when alcohol clouded every interaction.
The Psychology of Empowerment vs. Avoidance
Through my experience, I began to understand a crucial distinction that many recovery approaches overlook: there’s a world of difference between strategic avoidance and fear-based running. Strategic avoidance in early recovery makes sense—when you’re physically detoxing, emotionally raw, and learning new coping mechanisms, eliminating unnecessary triggers is wise self-care.
But indefinite avoidance? That’s different. That’s allowing your addiction to maintain its power over you, just in a different form. Instead of compelling you to drink, it compels you to run. Instead of controlling your consumption, it controls your mobility, your social life, your sense of freedom in the world.
Building True Resilience
Real recovery, I discovered, isn’t about creating a life so sanitized that temptation never appears. It’s about building the internal resources to face temptation and choose differently. It’s about developing such a strong sense of self and purpose that external triggers lose their power to derail you.
This doesn’t mean recklessly throwing yourself into triggering situations—that’s not courage, it’s self-sabotage. Instead, it means gradually, thoughtfully reclaiming the territories that addiction stole from you. It means learning to trust yourself in increasingly challenging environments.
The Social Dimension
One of the most profound aspects of this approach was how it affected my relationships. When I was avoiding alcohol-adjacent situations, I was inadvertently avoiding people and experiences that mattered to me. I was asking the world to accommodate my recovery rather than building a recovery strong enough to engage with the world.
By learning to navigate social situations that included alcohol, I stopped being the friend who always had an excuse, the family member who couldn’t attend certain gatherings, the colleague who left work events early. I became more present, more reliable, more genuinely connected to the people in my life.
The Test of True Recovery
Here’s what I learned: if your sobriety can only survive in a world without alcohol, it’s not really sobriety—it’s just successful avoidance. True sobriety is robust enough to coexist with the substance you’ve chosen to eliminate from your life.
This doesn’t mean I seek out triggering situations or that I’m cavalier about my recovery. I still make thoughtful choices about which events to attend and how long to stay. But I make these choices from a place of strength rather than fear, strategy rather than panic.
Finding Your Own Path
I want to be clear: this is my story, not a prescription for everyone. Recovery is deeply personal, and what worked for me might not work for you. Some people need longer periods of avoidance. Some people have medical conditions that make exposure genuinely dangerous. Some people find peace and freedom through different paths entirely.
But if you find yourself in a recovery that feels more like hiding than healing, if you feel like your addiction still controls your choices even though you’re not using, it might be worth considering whether you’re ready to start reclaiming some territory.
The Freedom on the Other Side
Today, I can walk past a bar without my heart racing. I can attend work happy hours and wedding receptions and dinner parties without feeling like I’m white-knuckling my way through the evening. I can be fully present for the people and experiences that matter to me.
Most importantly, I know that my sobriety isn’t dependent on the world removing alcohol from my path. It’s built on something stronger than avoidance—it’s built on choice, on values, on a life I’ve created that’s too valuable to risk.
That’s not just recovery. That’s freedom.
Recovery looks different for everyone. If you’re struggling with addiction, please seek support from healthcare professionals, counselors, or support groups who can help you find the approach that’s right for your unique situation.
Hey there! We hope you love our fitness programs and the products we recommend. Just so you know, Symku Blog is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission at no extra cost to you. It helps us keep the lights on. Thanks.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this discussion is for general informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended as medical or professional advice. Only a qualified health professional can determine what practices are suitable for your individual needs and abilities.